What I learned from a turn/burn evangelist who protested the tour I was on.

"They are deceiving people and leading them to hell" he proclaimed as he held tightly to his giant 'turn or burn' sign post. 

Who are "they"? I asked with a slight smirk on my face. 

"They are. The people in there putting together this concert. They are deceiving all these people." 

"Oh, those guys with the tour? Actually I'm with them. I'm a part of the tour." 

"Well they falsely lead people..." 

"Sir, not sure if you heard me, but you don't have to keep saying 'they are leading people to hell in there', just say 'you guys are leading people to hell' because I'm part of the 'they'. 

How to figure out if God prefers boxers or briefs.

Every once in a while you read something in the bible that makes you go whaaaaa?????

Like this for instance.  

"Jesus is the image of the invisible God." -Colossians 1:15  

Say what Mr Reverend Bishop Paul? 

"Jesus is the image of the invisible God?!?!" 

Can I be honest with you guys? I feel like although I know what Paul is saying here in my head, I feel like I really don’t know it yet in my heart. I don’t. 

And maybe the reason I really don’t know it yet is because it changes everything I ever thought about God. 

5 awesome (and super fake) verses about money.

A while ago a fellow Pastor friend did something that I'd never seen before while preaching about money.

He took some bible verses and rewrote them to fit our culture's philosophy of money. I found his little illustration absolutely brilliant, uncomfortable, hilarious and challenging at the same time. I call it...

5 awesomely bad *fake bible verses.

1. Proverbs 11:28
"Those who trust in their riches will flourish and be fulfilled, life will be great, but the righteous will flounder and flop."

Jesus on defense.

My one defense. 

"Lord, I need you, Oh, I need you. 
Every hour I need you. 
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you." 

I love that whole song but I especially love the words.. 

"My one defense"

Not sure what you think of when you hear that but I think of Law and Order. 

That one time when Jesus and the angels LOL'd cuz we goofed up.

A few months ago someone on Facebook pointed out that I misquoted scripture during one of my sermons. 

You should have seen my face when the dots connected and I realized they were right. 

I didn't cuss but I achieved a feat that is nearly impossible for black people. I blushed and got as red as an apple. I couldn't believe it.  

I couldn't believe how much I totally butchered the narrative. Wrong character, wrong reference and wrong story. 

And you know what the worst part was? 

So much of my sermon hinged on making the very point I slaughtered. 

Jesus, Paul and Spiderman walked into a bar...

With great power comes great responsibility -Jesus

Wait... Jesus didn't say that. I think it was Paul. 

Nope. Def not Paul. It was Spiderman wasn't it? Yea it was. 
"With great power comes great responsibility." 

Now that'll preach won't it? It sure will. And so will this...

"With little power comes great responsibility." 

What? No Amen? 

Oh, I see. You're like me. You're ready to kill your big moment. 

The gospel according to washing toilet seats.

Riddle me this: My Haitian daughter who grew up 9 years in a Haitian orphanage is a germaphobe.

She won't touch a shopping cart until she wipes it down with wet wipes. She won't use public library headphones without really cleaning it. And she has to scrub her hands after every hand shake.

Okay so I made that last one up. But not this one. This one, as crazy as it sounds is true...

My daughter washes down public toilet seats before she uses it.

That was not a typo. I didn't mean to say wipe. I meant wash. With soap and paper towels.

Did I mention she grew up in haiti? In an orphanage? Where she shared an outside public restroom with 30 other girls... and she only had a handful of clothes and underwear [which she did not trade for chicken by the way].

The one guy whose prayers have been answered 100% of the time.

There's nothing more demoralizing during a group prayer than when the person praying right before prays something so awesome you have no idea what they're talking about. 

"Jesus we just stand on the kingdom 3-fold manifold promise of Hezekiah chapter 153 verse 27-59. It says..."

*Insert 27 verses of biblical awesome sauce*. In Jesus name... Amen. 

Sammy, your turn to pray. 

Uh, can I hit the pass button? 

Cause um, I can't follow that prayer. I mean, I didn't even know there was a book of Hezekiah in the bible. Heck, I don't even know what a kingdom 3-fold manifold promise is. 

What is that, the 3 cheese stuffed pizza equivalent of a promise? 

Less is More (and why being faithful might not mean what we think it means)

Only God. 

I've danced over the thin line between being a workaholic and being faithful for so long and I blame Jesus. 

I blame him because he told the parable of the talents. I blame him for ending the story with a promise of perhaps the greatest 5 words any human will ever hear from God…. 

"Welcome good and faithful servant"

I don't know about you but that promise is like a drug to me. 

I can't get past it, I'm obsessed with it and I chase it every single day because I long to hear God welcome me as faithful. 

The one word blog.

What's your one word? 

For those of you not familiar with 'the one word blog', it's an exercise where you pick the one word that best describes the current season of your relationship with God. 

It's a blast and it's also refreshing and encouraging to see such brutal honesty in the comments. Here's an old post to get your taste buds wet if you haven't been a part of this awesome adventure. 

Ok, one word blog. Me first. 

My current relationship with God in one honest word: