How to hug the moon (or what to do when Jesus feels so far away)

Sometimes you're further than the moon, sometimes you're closer than my skin... -David Crowder

Well ain't that true? 

Isn't that the tension we so often live in? Some days Jesus feels about as far from reach as the furthest stars in our galaxy and other days, he's so close you feel like the moon just crash landed on your lap. 

I've had a couple of the latter days recently. Do you guys mind if I share some of those stories? 

I hope you nodded yes cause I was going to anyways. Just thought I'd be nice and ask. 

Why Christians in whitey tighties & tube socks > Christians in spandex and capes.

I've wanted to be a superhero ever since I can remember.

Not the metaphoric real life mother Theresa type hero. No, I wanted to be a literal comic book super hero. Spandex, capes, secret identity and all. 

I actually remember contemplating sticking my hands in a fuse box as a kid in hopes of an electromagnetic-transformation. I can see the headlines already:

"6 year old boy with ninja turtle sheets tied around his neck fries his Afro after bear hugging a circuit breaker" 

It's scary to think how far I was wiling to go to be somebody else. Fortunately I didn't kill myself trying to alter my identity. Unfortunately I found a different easier way to be someone I'm not... 

Why you should ask Jesus for a magic carpet ride "AGAIN".

My 2 year old daughter is never content and I love it. 

I love that she always, always wants more. Except she doesn't say more. She says "again". 

Do something even remotely cool with her and before you're done she's screaming again again and again. 

Again daddy. 
Piggy back ride again? 
Toss me up and down again? 
Horsey ride again? 

Magic carpet ride again? 

So get this. Somehow my wife convinced my daughter that sitting in a blanket while being carried around the room is a magic carpet ride and now she can't get enough. 

What I learned from a turn/burn evangelist who protested the tour I was on.

"They are deceiving people and leading them to hell" he proclaimed as he held tightly to his giant 'turn or burn' sign post. 

Who are "they"? I asked with a slight smirk on my face. 

"They are. The people in there putting together this concert. They are deceiving all these people." 

"Oh, those guys with the tour? Actually I'm with them. I'm a part of the tour." 

"Well they falsely lead people..." 

"Sir, not sure if you heard me, but you don't have to keep saying 'they are leading people to hell in there', just say 'you guys are leading people to hell' because I'm part of the 'they'. 

How to figure out if God prefers boxers or briefs.

Every once in a while you read something in the bible that makes you go whaaaaa?????

Like this for instance.  

"Jesus is the image of the invisible God." -Colossians 1:15  

Say what Mr Reverend Bishop Paul? 

"Jesus is the image of the invisible God?!?!" 

Can I be honest with you guys? I feel like although I know what Paul is saying here in my head, I feel like I really don’t know it yet in my heart. I don’t. 

And maybe the reason I really don’t know it yet is because it changes everything I ever thought about God. 

5 awesome (and super fake) verses about money.

A while ago a fellow Pastor friend did something that I'd never seen before while preaching about money.

He took some bible verses and rewrote them to fit our culture's philosophy of money. I found his little illustration absolutely brilliant, uncomfortable, hilarious and challenging at the same time. I call it...

5 awesomely bad *fake bible verses.

1. Proverbs 11:28
"Those who trust in their riches will flourish and be fulfilled, life will be great, but the righteous will flounder and flop."

Jesus on defense.

My one defense. 

"Lord, I need you, Oh, I need you. 
Every hour I need you. 
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you." 

I love that whole song but I especially love the words.. 

"My one defense"

Not sure what you think of when you hear that but I think of Law and Order. 

That one time when Jesus and the angels LOL'd cuz we goofed up.

A few months ago someone on Facebook pointed out that I misquoted scripture during one of my sermons. 

You should have seen my face when the dots connected and I realized they were right. 

I didn't cuss but I achieved a feat that is nearly impossible for black people. I blushed and got as red as an apple. I couldn't believe it.  

I couldn't believe how much I totally butchered the narrative. Wrong character, wrong reference and wrong story. 

And you know what the worst part was? 

So much of my sermon hinged on making the very point I slaughtered. 

Jesus, Paul and Spiderman walked into a bar...

With great power comes great responsibility -Jesus

Wait... Jesus didn't say that. I think it was Paul. 

Nope. Def not Paul. It was Spiderman wasn't it? Yea it was. 
"With great power comes great responsibility." 

Now that'll preach won't it? It sure will. And so will this...

"With little power comes great responsibility." 

What? No Amen? 

Oh, I see. You're like me. You're ready to kill your big moment. 

The gospel according to washing toilet seats.

Riddle me this: My Haitian daughter who grew up 9 years in a Haitian orphanage is a germaphobe.

She won't touch a shopping cart until she wipes it down with wet wipes. She won't use public library headphones without really cleaning it. And she has to scrub her hands after every hand shake.

Okay so I made that last one up. But not this one. This one, as crazy as it sounds is true...

My daughter washes down public toilet seats before she uses it.

That was not a typo. I didn't mean to say wipe. I meant wash. With soap and paper towels.

Did I mention she grew up in haiti? In an orphanage? Where she shared an outside public restroom with 30 other girls... and she only had a handful of clothes and underwear [which she did not trade for chicken by the way].