2 guaranteed ways to solve any conflict part 2: R-rated prayers.

Have you ever cussed while praying?

Or called people names? Maybe screamed? Thrown your bible against the wall?

Ever say things in prayer that are opposite of what you believe? Like...

You feel like Jesus doesn’t love you and could care less what happened to you.
And God should strike down your neighbor cause he is a donkey?
Or you hope your boss goes to H-E-double hockey sticks?

I hope your answer to those questions is a resounding YES!

Before I say why, I’d like to review yesterdays exercise.

I asked what you REALLY wanted in your last conflict and almost all of the responses boiled down to a need to be:

1. Loved.

2. Accepted.

3. Valued [I wanna matter or be heard or not feel worthless].

What’s interesting about those responses is no one can ultimately meet any one of those needs. Think about that.

No human can ultimately satisfy our need for love, acceptance and value. Ever.

So in essence we’re all fighting each other because we want something the other person can’t ultimately give us.

Don’t worry, this isn’t one of those ‘you shouldn’t want that’ posts. In fact, I think every single one of those desires are legitimate and from God.

So why don’t we have them?

Because we don’t ask God says James.

2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. [James 4:2]

So, in summary, what James is saying is, you fight because you’re not getting what you want but the reason you’re not getting what you want is not because of something someone is doing or not doing. No.

The reason you don’t have what you want is because you don’t ask God. 

Translation?

Stop fighting people for what you want and ASK GOD!

Ask him to do with only he can do. Dump your desires on him not on your spouse/friends/parents etc.

James isn’t talking about the obligatory ‘Dear Lord’ repetitions that we all pray.

He’s talking about literally dump trucking all our unmet desires and expectations on God.
He’s talking about the kind of prayer that would make your grandma fall off her rocking chair.

Brutally honest gut wrenching R- rated prayers. All-in, no filters communication with God.

I’m not saying be irreverent or cuss just to cuss. I’m saying be honest.
You know, kind of like you are with your loved ones when you fight want something.
James says communicate like that to God. Every time you get worked up or frustrated about someone, go to God first not that person.

Tell God you don’t feel valued cause your husband is an insensitive jerk.
Tell him life is so unfair and you never catch a break.
Let him know you’re pretty sure you’ll die single cause Christian men are whimps and shallow... etc etc

Its gonna feel weird but don’t worry, you’re in good company. Here’s an except from one of Davids journal entries.

How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?[Psalm 13:1]

So, next time you’re in conflict, rather than argue and bicker, pin point what it is that you really want, then ask God for it. [P:S- He already knows]

This isn’t a magic formula that will make all your dreams come true.
What it will do though however is significantly give you much less reasons to fight cause the burden of your expectations has now shifted from man to God.

It will also free up the people around you because they no longer have to carry truck loads of your unmet expectations. And if you do have to confront them, it will be a lot healthier cause you already let out the poison/fury/anger/sting somewhere else.

So even if God doesn’t answer your prayers, something HUGE has already happened. Do you see it?

Why do you think its hard for us to pray R-rated prayers? Other thoughts on these 2 principles?

[Please share on FB/twitter if you find these principles helpful. Thanks. Love you guys.]