Dating, Divorce, Hezekiah and Dan from Sanctus Real Part 4

The following is part 4 of 5 emails exchanged between my friend Dan [bass player of Sanctus Real] and I over the last month. We talk dating, divorce and marriage. Please read my last blog posts for context. Enjoy.

Hola Sammy!
Alright. First things first…I grew up in the church. I’ve known the “Book of Hezekiah” trick longer than you’ve been an American.

You think you can bring weak game like that into my house? (Does anyone still say “weak game” and “my house”? How old am I? Where’s my ointment?) Book of Hezekiah? Come on now…
 
But anyways, you asked some great questions in your last email, which have led me to dwell on parts of my story in ways I previously hadn’t...

It’s one thing to go through a struggle and find resolution in my own heart, but the ability to share it outwardly, with words that others can identify with, requires I grasp my own thoughts at a deeper level…at the very root.

I believe this is a crucial place to arrive to. After all, how well can I really know my own heart if I’m unable to vocalize what is in it? So thank you for the challenge and honesty.
 
In an attempt to get to that deeper level, I’ll start with the question that had me stumped most. You asked if I had a time machine, what would I go back and do differently. I had to think about this for a couple days.

First off, if I had a time machine, would it be a hot tub or Delorean? Second, if I could go back, what would I really want change?

The truth is, I don’t think I would change much. I played out different scenarios in my mind, and each one left that 29-year old Dan a more ignorant man.

Although I have serious regrets and sadness, I cherish what God did in my life. I needed it. In this regard, I think it’s better to take what I’ve learned and live in anticipation for the future rather than dwell constantly in regret.

I agree that the progression you described of attraction-love-marriage is a thread we all have in common. We meet a pretty girl or handsome boy. We gush over how wonderful they are. We do all kinds of wild things for them…things we normally wouldn’t. We fall in love, and if everything goes well, these feelings lead to marriage.

This chain of events is so natural and universal I believe it’s God’s perfect design. It’s how a healthy, intimate love blooms (and unhealthy ones, unfortunately). Therefore, I believe it is a season to enjoy, not shy away from.

Think of it this way…would you want to marry a person you never felt this way about?
 
However, like spring and summer, it is just a season. These euphoric feelings inevitably wear off. This is the natural end and nothing to be alarmed by.

The question becomes though, if everyone experiences these same in-love feelings in the beginning, why is it that some couples stand the test of time while others freeze and shatter at the first signs of cold? This is a question I’ve needed to answer for myself, and so I’ll try for this email.

I’m a few years older now, but I’m hunting for my spouse like most college students. What do I look at differently? How is my story going to be different this time around?

To keep these emails short, I’d like to dwell on this a little more and address some specific points in next email. In the meantime, what do you think about the idea that “in-love feelings” is God’s natural design for beginning a healthy, intimate love?
 
Dan
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Today's question:

What do you think about the idea that “in-love feelings” is God’s natural design for beginning a healthy, intimate love? How can we follow these feelings in a healthy way? Any other thoughts on Dans email?

On a more lighted hearted note, what is the craziest/dumbest/funniest/randomest thing you've ever done or seen done because of the 'in-love feeling'?

Today's winner is subscriber Cindy Kilgore. Congrats. Click here for details about todays contest. You can win $20 gift-card daily.