Dating: Questions & Answers Part 2

Wow. Yesterday was crazy huh? Phew. If you missed out, be sure to check out the dialogue in the comments.

I know there were some disagreements in the last post. Thanks for doing that respectfully. Couldn’t have gone any better. That's what it should look like when people who love Jesus disagree on non-foundational issues.

Also, I know it’s painful to follow the comments thread [who is responding to who and when?]. I’m sorry about that. We are working on implementing a more reader friendly comment format soon...

Now on to part 2. Below are some more questions answered by my wife Ashley. I’d love to hear your thoughts and like yesterday I’ve saved some questions for YOU to answer in the comments. Dive in.

1. Is it disrespectful to keep pursuing after she says no?

We kind of hit on this yesterday. I know this answer is going to sound like the typical complicated girl response, but I think it depends on what kind of “No” it is.

I said “No” to Sam a few times but It wasn’t a “I will never date you, I don’t think we are right for each other, I don’t like you” kind of no. It was just that I didn’t feel comfortable going out with him at the time. I didn’t know him well enough and I wasn’t in the place where I was ready to move our friendship into that next level.

We were friends, and my mind wasn’t really on dating him. I thought it would be awkward if I went out with him, because I knew he liked me. I wasn’t there yet, but I also wasn’t saying that I never would be in that place. I was open to it, but I needed more time. If he would have given up after that first no, we might not be married today.

So in some instances I would say that if it’s just a matter of the girl needs more time, or she just isn’t ready to be in a relationship, you as the guy will have to decide if it’s worth waiting for her and continuing to pursue her in small ways until she is ready.

Now if she says No, and it seems like she has 0% interest in you, and she kindly says I just don’t think that you are my type, we don’t have the same vision for our lives, or I really don’t think it will work, or I don’t like you…then I would say you should probably stop pursuing her. If she doesn’t like you and never will, then it’s probably not a good idea to be persistent.

2. What are some important questions to ask when thinking about a relationship?

* Well from a Christian perspective, my first question is whether this person loves and follow Jesus. [See last post]

* If the answer is yes, then the next question I would ask is what is this persons vision and dreams for their life. Does that person’s vision line up with mine? Example…if you want to go into ministry and are open to whatever God calls you to do, and the person you are interested in is a “Sunday Christian” that is not going to work. That's just one example, but the dreams God has put inside of you are so important. God has a plan for your life and a part for you to play in his story.

If you date or marry someone who doesn’t see and value those dreams inside of you and only cares about their dreams that are completely opposite from yours…one person will end up settling in those types of relationships, and usually it is in favor of the person wanting to live the easy- American dream kind of life.

Guys, once you marry a girl, she is NOW your #1 priority in Gods eyes [above whatever dream you have] so If your wife wants to stay in Toledo and you want to move to Iran, guess what? You’re likely staying in Toledo. See what’s at stake?

* One last thing…purity was huge for me. I waited to have sex until I was married. I wanted to make sure that I was waiting for someone who also waited for me. This might not be for everyone depending on your situation and past, but even if you’re no longer a virgin, God still has a great plan for your sexuality so it’s important to be with someone who values your purity.

3. What if a lot of guys ARE pursuing you but you're just not feeling it right now and you want to wait a little longer?

Well first off, I would be honest with the guys that are pursuing you that you are not into. It’s not fair to lead them on and not say anything. I think guys would 100% rather know if you are not into them and never will be vs. trying to be nice and not hurting their feelings. I think waiting until you are ready is best. You definitely don’t want to enter into a relationship before you are ready. There is just no point. The guy will wait for you if he really likes you.

Your turn. Any questions from thoughts above? Also...

Guys: How would you feel if a girl asked you out? Also, do you agree with this statement: 'Guys will 100% rather know if you are not into them and never will be vs. trying to be nice and not hurting their feelings'.

Girls: What are some specific qualities that are really attractive in a guy?

[If you have any further dating questions you'd like answered on tomorrows blog, send it to me on face-book here]