I'm a disgrace to fatherhood.

Got this email few months ago. It was entitled:

"You're a disgrace to fatherhood"

"How can you live everyday of your life knowing you have three kids somewhere and have not set your eye on them for the past 12 years? You don't deserve to live. And more also they hate you becos you were not there for them. I am doing fine with God on my side"...

No it wasn't from my wife and it had nothing to do with me [guessing it was a wrong email].
But it got me thinking about the different kinds of dads there are...

Great dads.
Absent dads.
Dead dads.
Abusive dads.
Average dads.
Fun dads.
Workaholic dads.
Abusive dads.
Godly dads.
Passive dads.
Loving dads.

The interesting thing about that list is all those dads have one thing in common: They all have a hold on us.
All of them. Even the absent dad. Or the dead dad.

Many of us try to fight this hold by determining to never be like our dads or telling ourselves over and over again that we don't need dad and never have.

We tell ourselves that we're better off without him and we'll be better than him.

But deep down, I think we all know that we need(ed) or want[ed] dad.

"But Sammy, I hate(d) my dad"

Exactly.

You don't hate something/someone that doesn't have some kind of a hold on you.
In fact sometimes I think the biggest 'tell' that you got some dad baggage to work through is how hard you fight to distance yourself from him.

I understand if thats hard for you to admit even to yourself, but its true. You’re ‘connected’ to dad and the sooner you admit that, the better of you'll be.

The good news is we have a BIG dad (heavenly) who is nothing like our small dad (earthly). But most of us can't fully embrace BIG dad because we haven't dealt with the short-comings of small dad.

I know I’m not gonna solve all our dad issues in one post but my hope is to at least get us started.

Today, inspired by the one word blog, I’d like you to describe your dad with one word. Me first.

My word(s) are: 'Passive' and 'Great'
I grew up with a very, very passive dad who is now a dead dad.

I chose a second word-'great'- for my new dad [through marriage] because I know he'll do anything for us and if I can be half the dad he is, I'll be happy.

What about you? Be honest. What one word describes dad?
You don't even have to say why you picked your word if you don't want to. But I wanna know.

What one word honestly describes your relationship with your dad?

P:S- Non-commenting regular readers or "I've-always-wanted-to-comment-but-feel-weird-saying-stuff" readers, this is your chance to take a baby step. Just one word :). You can even go anonymous if you want. Just let it out.

P:S:S- For those who are ready for something more intense, I recommend doing what I did here. It was hard but it really brought a lot of healing to my heart. Also grab a box of tissues before you read it.

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