Laugh Out Loud Wednesday: Seven Flags.

If you read this entire post, you will laugh out loud at least once. I guarantee it. Not because I think I’m super funny but because I was 30% funnier 4 years ago when I originally wrote this, which is depressing. Enjoy:

One of my childhood dreams was to own the greatest amusement park in the universe. So today i closed my eyes and envisioned the happiest place in the universe!...

1. NAME:

Every park needs a good name. I think I'm gonna call it 7 Flags because i think if i was a kid and i had a choice, why go to 6 flags when you can go to 7 flags? Its a matter of principle. I know its unoriginal but come on, you're getting 7 flags instead of 6 for crying out loud.

2. RIDES:

Every good park needs good rides. Mine will be very unconventional. Like...

* 'DTR'

[a fun light-hearted ride that will provide an atmosphere for couples or aspiring couples to define, demand or in some cases, destroy the relationship. At the end of the ride, everyone gets a popsicle because at 7 flags, it's not you. it's US]

* 'LEGO JELLO'

[the worlds first tallest, fastest under-Jello lego roller coaster. imagine!]

* 'THE-YOU-WILL-GET-WET-RIDE'

[you will get wet]

* 'P.M.S'

[This will be the most unpredictable ride at the park. In fact we will change the location of this ride once a month just to confuse customers. There will be many ups & downs, twists and turns on this ride. You will cry. Sometimes you will laugh. And just because we can, this ride will only be open one week out of the month. Don’t ask us why, just deal with it.]

* OTHER RIDES WILL INCLUDE:

['Rock-Paper-Scissors-pie in the face'],

['booger board'],

['sleep and slide'] and

['the wedgie'].

3. OTHER ATTRACTIONS:

* Every bathroom will have a maze in front of it just for the fun of it.

* All park employees must grow a natural mullet. Exceptions will be made to pirates, ninjas, pirate ninjas, robots, robot ninjas and/or Ashton Kutcher.

* The ride conductors will only speak in Spanish cause everything is so much more dramatic in Spanish. "Me llamo Espanol. Bienvenido al sueño y diapositivas" [See what I mean? Man, I'm so pumped already]

4. THEMES:

There will be a different theme for everyday the park is open. Like...

* [do-the-robot-and-get-a-free-sucker day],

* [talk-in-third-person-or-get-kicked-out-of-the-park day] and

* [happy-shave-your-eye-brow-hour].

* Expensive park food will be replaced by Taco Bell [because you can get 50 tacos for the price of one elephant ear]. Water fountains? how about fruit punch fountains?!. and how would you like your group picture to be taken by a trained picture-taking monkey?

5. THE BEST PART:


The best part about this park is that its all on paper. Its all in your imagination. There is no actual physical park.

So the next time you're bored in class, tired or just need a vacation. Just close your eyes and imagine 7 flags. Visualize yourself riding the wedgie with one eye brow. Dream about eating 50 tacos and doing the robot. You can even ride the 'DTR' with that special someone. Experience unlimited fruit punch fountains and getting the highest score on the 'booger board'.



Do that and i promise you, when you open your eyes, you will be in the happiest place in the universe.

But before you get too happy, don’t forget to send me a $5 admission fee. I accept all major credit cards, pay pal and equal value magic wok coupons.
 
Thank you, come again!

-The management.

P:S- I wrote this blog years ago. When I re-read it a few weeks ago, I got mad because i felt like I was way funnier then than I am now.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize it isn’t good because I was funnier then. It’s good because I wrote more then. I wrote all the time and consequently got a lot better. Its easy, the more you do something, the better you get. The more I write, the better I will be. So what about you?

What are you good at that you need to do more to get better at it? Also, what is your favorite part about 7 flags?