Wait.

Otherwise known as the worst journal entry in the world.

As some of you who’ve been around for a while know, I’ve tried to air my dirty laundry quite a bit on this blog but this one is really gonna hurt a little.

Its hard and uncomfortable enough just reading it by myself but now I’m gonna post it?

I really don’t want to, which is why I’ve been sitting here for the last 45 minutes trying to talk myself out of it. This is bad and embarrassing.

And yes, it is quite likely the worst journal entry in the world and it was by yours truly. Enjoy.

This is what I want God to do in my life. This is my innermost desire:
* I want to be the youngest, most anointed man of God in the whole world.
* I want to stand before princes, kings, nobles, presidents, ambassadors, senators and ministers to share the gospel with all confidence.
* I want to be the most anointed, gifted, powerful and impact making preacher in the world.
* I want to have the largest ministry in the whole world. (October 3rd, 1999)

Wow. How sad?!?!.

Did I have a call and gift on my life? Yes. But I also had something else. It’s called immaturity.
I wasn’t (still am in some ways) just a proud fool but I obviously didn’t get it. I was a dreamer who completely missed the point.

Gifted, called and clueless about being clueless.

See, there's a reason God doesn't use us in our own timing. Sometimes it's because we're immature and we don't get it. The worst part is, we don't know that we don't get it.

So we get frustrated.

Why isn’t God answering my prayers? Why isn’t he meeting my needs and desires?
Why hasn’t he done what he promised and gifted me to do? Why haven’t I met the one yet?
Why am I not living my dreams yet? Why am I stuck?

I’ll tell you why. You're not ready.

You aren't. God still has some work to do in your heart. So God says wait. Not no, wait.

Kind of like how I keep telling my daughter to wait. She doesn’t understand why she can’t do certain things that grown-ups or her friends are doing. I know she thinks I’m holding out on her but in all reality I’m doing what’s best for her.

Every time I read this journal entry, I get embarrassed. Really embarrassed. I also get scared at how prideful my heart can get.

Then I thank God for not using me in 1999. Or in 2000. Or 2001. Or for many more years.

I literally thank God that he did not answer my prayers or give me any opportunities to do anything worthwhile.

Can you imagine what a disaster that would have been?

Hindsight is in fact 20/20, which is why I don’t expect some of you to get this post if God is currently saying “wait” to you. I don’t expect you to get or appreciate it but its okay cause someday soon, you’ll look back and say thank you God for not saying yes.

Because who we are is way more important than what we do, God is not in a hurry to say yes.

I'll talk tomorrow about what to do while waiting but for now, I want to know what you think about my journal entry and waiting in general...

What are waiting for? Or what's something you have now that you had to wait for?