When your good life is bad and your bad life is good

What was the hardest time of your life?
Mine was the spring of 2000.

I remember telling someone I felt like I was alone, standing on a dock the size of a pizza box, in the middle of the ocean. At night. In a storm. With no sign of shore. And I couldn’t swim.

I cried every night that spring. I went to bed depressed but slightly happy because I didn’t have to face life for another 8 hours. I woke up every morning feeling like life had just socked me really hard in the stomach. I wasn’t suicidal but I’ve never wished more in my life for Jesus to come back because then I wouldn’t have to face another day. I wanted it to be over.

It was the longest, hardest 3 months of my life and I hated it. But that was almost 10 years ago. Things are different now. Really different. Life feels more like I just won the lottery. I married the girl of my dreams. I have an incredible daughter and I get to do what I love. Life is good.

But you know what’s weird? I envy that season of life [spring of 2000].  
Not the pain. The gain.

You see, I’ve never needed God as much as I did that spring and consequently I’ve never experienced him as much as I did. Seriously, it was crazy. Many days I’d wake up and spend 4-5 hrs praying and balling my eyes to God. Not because I was super spiritual but because I was desperate. I couldn’t leave his presence until he gave me enough strength to make it through that day. My room mates often commented about how I would worship at the top of my lungs behind closed doors. I didn’t care. I was ‘dying’ and when you’re down to your last breath, you do every and anything to meet God. And boy did I meet him. I remember laying in my bed one night so overwhelmed by God that I thought to myself ‘nothing will ever be better than this. nothing. not marriage. not my dreams. not ministry. nothing’.

And that was during the worst season of my life. Jesus was THAT good. THAT real.

But that was a long time ago. I don’t experience him like that anymore because I don’t pursue him like that anymore. I barely ever sing at the top of my lungs now and I get bored after 10 minutes of prayer. I guess I’m just not that desperate anymore. I don’t ‘need’ him that much to make it through the day.  

Because life is good.

Or is it?

I don’t know what season of life you’re in. If its a storm, I’m not gonna patronize you. Storms stink. But its also a perfect opportunity to see God like you never have before if you will channel your desperation into pursuing God. What storm are you in?

And for the rest of us experiencing the ‘good life’; Perhaps we ought to be more afraid of comfort than the storm? What do you think? Why do we seek God in the storm but forsake him in the promised land? How do we remain desperate for God when life is good?